After many years in a committed relationship, I recently found myself back out into the dating pool. We all have heard the comparisons of dating to networking but at the end of the day you can’t deny that the two processes are incredibly similar.
And that’s OK. Heck, life has to be interesting and, really, how many new things are there, really?
It starts with being passive or aggressive. When we are younger (or obsessed with getting connected), we are moving fast, meeting as many people as possible to meet our goal of being connected. When we are out of work, networking seems like the thing to do, though we should have had a network all along.
(Insert here: I am not advocating being unfaithful so as to speed the process when you do get dumped back into the dating scene and have a ready-made pool of suitors/dates; rather I am saying you should have a social life to keep you connected.)
If you are more passive (such as when the dater says “I’ll leave my next match to the Universe”), then you need to be softer in your approach to how you find people and engage them. No clubs and dragging by the hair. Or being selective when gathering business cards and reaching out to new contacts.
These attributes seem to both fit dating and networking:
- Be open to change and new people.
- Always have a dialogue, not a one-sided conversation.
- Ask more questions than talk about yourself.
- Be honest and end a “pursuit” if it isn’t working.
- Give a relationship more than one meeting.
- Have manners–please, thank you, etc.
- Make eye contact.
- Tell the truth and be honest. But don’t be hurtful. Or misleading.
- Listen and remember key things.
- Write/call/say thank you.
- Admit when you are done.
So, now that I am back into it, I need to hear these things. Let go of the past and look forward. While things were great at times, I am no longer wanted. And like the boss who fired me, the wife who divorced me, the partner who took my client, the woman who left me for another, we put it all behind us and dig down. Dig deep for the next and new contact who appreciates you and your attributes. Time and distractions heal. There is a reason rear view mirrors are small and windshields are large–you are going forward and not backward.
Relentless
